the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
