Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
