youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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