If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
