apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
