my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
