how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
