Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
