so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
