I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Randomize
