Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All the doctor said was why
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
