so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
