No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
