im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
