On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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