i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
