You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
