It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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