I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
