It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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