tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
