oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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