Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
