i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
