Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
