worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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