the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
