You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
