my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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