he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
