if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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