i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
