News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
