You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
