you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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