Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
