Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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