When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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