hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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