He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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