my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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