you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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