Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
