We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
