i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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