I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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