Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.

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  (808): Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber. http://tfl.nu/bjtn
  Replies (24) Good night (953) Bad night (2382)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.

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  (810): I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself. http://tfl.nu/iwxe
  Replies (65) Good night (1368) Bad night (5000)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

  (254): View more from Texas

  at least its a homemade gift

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  (801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm (254): at least its a homemade gift http://tfl.nu/gvzk
  Replies (16) Good night (5683) Bad night (1099)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one

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  (918): Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one http://tfl.nu/ihc6
  Replies (23) Good night (942) Bad night (11232)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

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  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
  Replies (90) Good night (1695) Bad night (12770)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.

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  (312): just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes. http://tfl.nu/gk7e
  Replies (15) Good night (1414) Bad night (3522)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.

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  (484): I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night. http://tfl.nu/i8lc
  Replies (4) Good night (917) Bad night (3922)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"

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  (+27): Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!" http://tfl.nu/eeqt
  Replies (15) Good night (3963) Bad night (754)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.

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  (724): Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies. http://tfl.nu/sr2h
  Replies (17) Good night (2719) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood

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  (931): there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood http://tfl.nu/qekx
  Replies (6) Good night (421) Bad night (2065)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?

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  (828): he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me? http://tfl.nu/mhv8
  Replies (4) Good night (402) Bad night (957)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls

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  (267): I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls http://tfl.nu/tagh
  Replies (1) Good night (726) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.

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  (240): I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep. http://tfl.nu/5qdv
  Replies (7) Good night (801) Bad night (320)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am

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  (506): Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am http://tfl.nu/i89z
  Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (234)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication

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  (508): I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication http://tfl.nu/sp6h
  Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (142)

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