Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.