im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.