shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
This is my gift to your gina
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face