Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.