Texts From Last Night

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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

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  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (8188) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.

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  (204): I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back. http://tfl.nu/sbtj
  Replies (7) Good night (712) Bad night (5300)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

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  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6443) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from South Korea

  You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.

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  (+82): You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes. http://tfl.nu/6vdw
  Replies (7) Good night (5437) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255

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  (567): i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255 http://tfl.nu/6ybk
  Replies (11) Good night (3506) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  critical mistake not lubing the nipples

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  (816): critical mistake not lubing the nipples http://tfl.nu/tm7j
  Replies (13) Good night (737) Bad night (2682)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  the night ended with taco bell and tears

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  (206): the night ended with taco bell and tears http://tfl.nu/rh7j
  Replies (10) Good night (911) Bad night (1508)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.

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  (253): If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/jc0t
  Replies (15) Good night (3327) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"

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  (323): He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best" http://tfl.nu/tw6h
  Replies (3) Good night (1268) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."

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  (478): I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions." http://tfl.nu/mmu9
  Replies (4) Good night (684) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.

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  (616): Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me. http://tfl.nu/rp8b
  Replies (5) Good night (803) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.

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  (785): There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha. http://tfl.nu/kiqc
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.

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  (847): How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text. http://tfl.nu/b9ph
  Replies (15) Good night (591) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned

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  (305): I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned http://tfl.nu/trme
  Replies (0) Good night (206) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices

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  (306): yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices http://tfl.nu/7tdp
  Replies (2) Good night (404) Bad night (158)

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