Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(952): View more from Minnesota

I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.

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(805): View more from California

getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine

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(812): View more from Indiana

I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.

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