Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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