If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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