I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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