He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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