Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
