wanna go halves on a baby?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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