When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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