spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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