My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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