dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
