I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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