It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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