some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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