do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
