If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
