he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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