Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
