we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
