Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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