i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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