So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
