Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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