I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
