I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
