She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
