What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they need to just BURY HIM!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
