So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
