Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
