You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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