Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
