Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
