I think I died a long time ago.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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