You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize