:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
